The Lurking Place of E. Rochelle Potter
Proceed With Caution!
Hands down this is undoubtedly the funniest game ever invented--as long as your mind is a little (okay, seriously) whacked! If you haven’t played it before, I highly recommend you go buy a deck, gather a few friends and let the hilarity commence! You can even join an online version if that’s your preference.
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Recently I read an article stating this game that will live in infamy is searching for contributing writers. The article provided a link where anyone wishing to become one of their amusingly vulgar elite could apply by filling out a form. Fifteen white cards and five black. If CAH likes what an applicant comes up with, they’ll be in touch.
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Needless to say, those who know me personally know what sort of things come out of my crazy head and the idea of actually contributing to this game was too good to be true! Since CAH didn’t ask for any sort of NDA, I thought it would be fun to let my readers know what I submitted.
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If you’re unfamiliar with the game, the idea is for players to give their best answer off a white card in their hand to complete the sentence on a black card. Best answer (by which I mean the most outlandish, obscene or otherwise twistedly funny) wins the round.
That being said, consider yourself warned: CAH is not for everyone! The box even says it's a game for "horrible" people. So if you never laugh at the lewd; if coarse and bawdy jokes are not your cup of tea, I suggest you read no further. I write for a broad audience so my work is generally fairly clean and kid-friendly but CAH (and by extension my submissions) certainly is not! If you’re okay with that, then by all means, carry on!
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My Black Card Submissions:
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I was scandalized when the priest suggested _________.
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Whenever I rob a liquor store, I prepare by _________ and always bring ________.
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The U.N. agreed to worldwide legalization of a new capital punishment for pedophiles: Shoving them into a pit full of _________.
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“Late last night and the night before, _________ knocking at my door. I want to go out, don’t know if I can, ‘cause I’m so afraid of the _________ man. (C’mon, did you really think I would do this without slipping in a literary reference?)
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I’m the superhero known for shouting, "_________!" before departing.
And now, my White Cards:
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Bad Shakespearean actors (This is not a jab at The Bard, but at those who butcher his work!)
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Snoring so loudly you wake yourself up
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Creepypasta
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Relaxing in a hot tub of mashed potatoes
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Room-clearing dog farts
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Sticking a pop-socket in my anus so he could watch YouTube while we screwed
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Bald men’s cranium wax
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Masturbating to the rhythm of “Pop Goes the Weasel”
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Horny llamas on parade!
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Girls whose ass cheeks hang out of their short-shorts
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Felching
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Cannibalistic children with sharpened teeth
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That flesh-eating STD
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The cryogenically frozen heads of my in-laws
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Jiggly fat women bulging out of their stretch pants
While it's entertaining to group my own black and white cards together, I actually paired them up with examples I found in the article link to make sure they played well, regardless of where they were used. I also had to omit an answer from each category when I realized I wrote too many so Black Card “My first day at my new school began with the teacher introducing me as _________” and White Card “What happened to my dignity” were cut from the list.
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Upon hitting the send button I was greeted with the following message:
There is nothing more you can do to remind us that you applied for this job. If we like you, you will hear from us. You may never hear from us again.
We love you,
CAH
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I hope you were as amused by reading my ideas as I was in creating them. Care to take a stab at it? Post your best black and white card to my Facebook page if you would like to share your ideas or send me a comment if you would rather remain anonymous and I’ll post it for you!
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