The Lurking Place of E. Rochelle Potter

     My apologies but if you don’t like sentimental anecdotes then this article will not be for you. I found myself reflecting this year on Father’s Day how grateful I am to have such an extraordinary man as my dad. Circumstances beyond my control estranged us through most of my upbringing. We didn’t really get a chance to reconnect until my late teens and though the circumstances which brought us back together were not ideal, I will always be thankful that it happened.  

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     I thought this week on all the incarnations of dads I’ve encountered in my life. I know a man who was abandoned by his own father and now strives to do his best by his own son. I know a man who took custody of his infant daughter and raised her for years all alone. I met a man who’s raised a child since infancy as his own, even though she wasn’t his by birth. I knew a man who walked into a child’s life halfway through their formative years when she didn’t have anyone else and became a needed ally. I knew a man who was pushed out of his kids’ lives when they were just babies and was afraid for years to try to reconnect with them for fear of rejection. Until one day he reached out and was surprised by the response. And I’m glad for his sake that he finally did. I know a divorced father who struggles every day at trying to make everything right for his blended family. I know a man who married the woman he loved and has fathered two beautiful girls through their union—the “ideal” scenario.

What do they all have in common? These men are there for their kids, regardless of circumstance or where they come from in life. And so many children out there just aren’t as lucky to have one of those described above. Even if their union came later in life than one would expect, one way or another, these fathers and their children have a bond that can never be severed, simply because these men possessed the courage to CHOOSE to be in their children’s lives, despite any adversity, even if they were previously estranged. And I testify, the aforementioned may be the hardest obstacle to overcome of all.

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     I’ve learned over the years that my father is the most selfless and giving of individuals. He may have a crass and jarring sense of humor that takes most people by surprise but he will go out of his way to help you, regardless of expense to himself. He took me in at seventeen years old, practically an adult, when I had nowhere to turn. And as I continued into adulthood and moved out on my own, he has always stood beside me and offered me guidance, a listening ear and encouragement to do the right thing, even if it was a difficult decision I faced. Even if I didn’t listen and had to learn things the hard way, he has been there for me ever since fate brought us back together.

So this Father’s Day I decided I didn’t want to just give a card or a random gift he might not ever use. I wanted to spend the day doing something we both enjoy together—I went fishing with my daddy. We live an hour plus apart so I got up at the butt-crack of dawn to meet up with him with plans to head to Sacandaga Lake.  We stopped at a favorite tackle-shop of his to procure minnows and worms—purchasing ones that had been injected with green dye: something neither of us had ever seen before, and we were off. Ultimately, while I saw a few sizeable large-mouths right near the surface of a spillway which I silently cursed for not being tempted by minnow nor worm,  neither of us caught anything the whole day, despite relocating several times to different places, not just on the Sacandaga. However, the companionship I shared with my dad and swapping stories about life (including the proverbial “Big Fish” story of how his entire rod was stolen like a rocket by a fish in Mayfield) are absolutely priceless. If we caught a hundred fish it wouldn’t have mattered. What mattered was sharing this special day with my dad and it was such a rare treat! 

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     If you’re fortunate enough to have one, don’t ever take your dad for granted, no matter what incarnation he may embody. Conversely, any dads out there who may question their roles in their children’s lives: embrace each other. You never know what it really means, even if your children are stoic like me and don’t express their feelings well out loud, you don’t know what a lasting impression you leave, nor when the time will come that one or the other of you are gone from this world and you’re left with an irreversible “I wish I had…” Seize the day. Seize the moment and keep each other always in your hearts! Best wishes to all fathers who are willing to try—on Father’s Day and all days!

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